Assbreath, My Old Nemesis...

Over the last week and a half there have been many things about which I was intending to write. I was going to write about how, at a party in Pasadena this past Saturday night, I met the Most Beautiful Girl in The World who possesses a radiant personality and has eyes the color of heaven itself. And then I was going to write about how I obsessed over her for the next 24 hours or so, only to discover that she has a Very Serious Boyfriend. The sound of my heart breaking could be heard for miles.

I was also intending to write about how, last Thursday, I ran into my old nemesis from Spring semester, the dreaded Assbreath himself. I was leaving Kennedy High School for the day, after having signed out at the attendance office. And then I saw him- waddling toward me on his fat little legs, each of which is probably thicker than both of my legs combined. I panicked and thought that if I just avoided eye contact maybe he wouldn't recognize me...maybe he would pass on by, like the Angel of Death had passed over the Israelites. I should have been so lucky...

No... instead he stopped to talk to me in that odd-sounding voice that had so grated on my nerves during every session of my Methods class last semester. He was wearing a poorly tailored suit that clung tightly to his body, which was sweating profusely from his short walk from the parking lot to the attendance office. His tie either was too small, or was simply tied incorrectly, as it stopped about two inches above his belly button. After closer scrutiny, I discovered that it was, in fact, a too short clip-on.

And then, I smelled it. It was faint at first...but the longer I stood talking to him, the more pungent the air surrounding us became. Even though I was standing nearly four feet away from him, everytime he opened his mouth, I cringed as a gaseous cloud assaulted my senses. The conversation lasted nearly ten minutes, in spite of my continued efforts to extract myself from the situation. I kept doing that turning-as-if-to-leave thing, only to be presented with another question or comment. Finally I pulled the glance-at-my-watch-look-surprised-and-say-I-have-to-go move. That one works every time.

Well, the semester is now drawing to a close. However, my student teaching assignment won't be complete until the end of January. But, after December 9, I will no longer have to worry about doing loads and loads of classwork and will be able to focus solely on the student teaching.

I'd also like to point out that today is my dear niece's birthday. Alyson Marie Stahl, who is probably my favorite kid in the whole world, turns eleven today. I really can't believe that she's eleven now. She was born at the beginning of my senior year of high school, and now she is in the fifth grade. Next year she'll be in junior fricking high school. I can't believe it. Junior fricking high school.

Where does the time go?